Thursday, February 08, 2007

Laestadian Humor

I'm a fan of Prairie Home Companion, as every self-respecting former Laestadian otter be. (You have only so many radio hours left, use them wisely). Last weekend was the annual joke show, which inspired me to host a little levity here on extoots. Share your favorites, straight up or with a twist.

***

A Laestadian dies and goes to heaven. Of course, St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the Laestadian says, "I married the only woman I ever kissed and we had 13 children and 60 grandchildren, all still in the church."
"That's wonderful," says St. Peter, "that's worth three points!"
"Three points?" he says. "Well, I went to June meetings every year, repented every Sunday, never drank a drop of whiskey and never watched TV."
"Terrific!" says St. Peter, "that's certainly worth a point."
"One point? Golly. How about this: I never turned on the radio in my car, even when I was alone, and have never used the internets."
"Fantastic, that's good for two points," he says.
"TWO POINTS!!" the man cries, "At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!"
"Come on in!"

***

A guy dies and goes to St. Peter, who takes him on a tour of hell. He sees cheap hotels, chain restaurants, strip malls, and smog. Not so bad, he thinks. Then off in the distance he sees a lake of fire with souls writhing in pain and torment.

What's that? he asks St. Peter.

Oh, that's for the Laestadians, he responds. They insisted on it.

***

There's a line at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells the first one waiting, a Catholic, to go to Room 22, but to tiptoe past Room 13. He tells the second, a Presbyterian, to go to Room 39, but to tiptoe past Room 13. He tells the third, a Baptist, to go to Room 58 but to tiptoe past Room 13. The fourth person asks St. Peter "Excuse me, but why are you telling everyone to tiptoe past Room 13?

"Oh, that's where the Laestadians are," says St. Peter. "They think they're the only ones here."

***

How many Laestadians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3. One to screw it in, one to determine if it was done as taught, and one to rebuke.

***

Some Fundamental Truths of Religion.

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's Chosen.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as The Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize The Pope as their leader.

4. Laestadians do not recognize each other in theaters, bars, pool halls or stadiums.


***

Laestadian preachers used to put hard candies in their mouths during the reading. When the candies melted away, they knew the preaching had gone on long enough and it was time for the movement. That was the old days. Now they use buttons.

69 comments:

  1. Geez, I must have been posting my joke as you were posting a whole bunch. Love the one about LLL's not knowing each other in theater's etc. There was a women in MI a few years ago who won $500,000.00 at the casino in Baraga. The story was that she just ran in to drop an entry in for a camper they were giving away. And she dropped a quarter into the slot machine as she was standing in line to put her entry in. Yeah right! Good story but I've heard big whopper stories from fishermen all my life! Anyone knows who has spent more than an hour in a casino that you don't win $500,000.00 on a quarter machine. And certainly not with one quarter!

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  2. LOL! Oh boy, we're in for it now.

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  3. Free, I have to say that old William Ericcson had one of those buttons back in the late 50s/early 60s. He started speaking in the evening in the Gackle church at 7:15 and stopped at 11:00.

    The Catholics have been told they owe the Lutherans because Luther was just 400 years ahead of his time and most of his objections have been dealt with over the ensuing years. Therefore, in return for the gift of that foresight, the Catholics have agreed to teach the Lutherans how to drink......in front of each other.

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  4. free, I miss your comment about "never again will the story be told as if it were the only one" probably not an exact quote, but I liked it; is it gone for good?

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  5. stranger in a strange land2/08/2007 03:20:00 PM

    Free, I like your "never again" quote as well! Bring it back!

    I was assigned to reading Keillor's "The Protestant" in Literature 101 way back in my college days. I read about his growing up in the Church of the Sanctified Brethren, and felt naively uncomfortable that perhaps Garrison had somehow found out about the church and was maybe poking fun at us.

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  6. Why won't Laestadians make love standing up? They might start dancing.

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  7. The jokes are a great way to break up some of the "seriousness" I am enjoying them just as much as the discussions :)

    I am also the type of person that wants to get the point of HUMOR across, so if I have to make myself, my beliefs, gender, or whatever, the "butt" I will gladly do so. We do need to be respectful and not crude, but we need to also be able to lighten up and laugh and ourselves. Thanks :p

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  8. Don't know if this fits here or in discussions of the Bible.
    Monastery

    A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

    He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

    The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
    He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
    where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
    vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
    by and nobody sees the old abbot.

    So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing,
    "We missed the "R" ! , we missed the "R" !"

    His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying
    uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

    With A choking voice, the old abbot replies, "The word was...

    CELEBRATE!!!"

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  9. ROFL!!!!!
    Too much lightmindedness for me. :)

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  10. There once was a poor shepherd named Emil. The only food he had to sustain himself on was the milk he got from the sheep, and it tasted so bad that he could barely drink it. As a result, Emil became thin and sickly.
    One day, he met his friend
    Yorki. Youki was a poor shepherd like himself, but he was hearty and healthy. Yorki told him that he had to live on sheep's milk too, but he let him in on a secret: a witch in a nearby village taught him a magic spell that makes sheep's milk taste as sweet as the richest cream. Emil begged Yorki to teach him the spell, which his friend did willingly.
    Sure enough, Emil's sheep produced the most delicious milk he ever tasted. Emil loved it so much, that he drank it by the quart. He milked his sheep so much that they cried out in pain. Emil realized that he couldn't make his sheep suffer like that, so he reversed the spell and resigned himself to drinking normal sheep's milk.

    Now, there's no ewes crying over spelled milk.

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  11. Many Trails Home2/09/2007 04:04:00 PM

    Whooee, I think all this "light-mindedness" is just fantastic! I love jokes but most of the ones I get are, shall we say, off-color. And I laugh my head off.
    And no, cvow, you cannot call me "Ma." I'm not THAT much older than you!!!! MTH

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  12. Ole and Lena had never been camping and they heard about a nice camp near Black River Falls, Wisconsin. Lena was worried about the toilet facilities, but she didn't want to use the word "toilet," so she wrote a letter to the campground owner. She remembered that around Minot, North Dakota where they lived, they used to call it an L.C. or Lavatory Commode. But she was prim that she didn't want to say toilet or Lavatory Commode, so she simply asked in her letter if the camp has an L.C.

    The campground owner read Lena's letter and was puzzled about the initials L.C. He finally decided it meant LUTHERAN CHURCH. So he wrote back to Lena the following letter:

    "I am happy to inform you there is a local L.C. located nine miles north of the camp ground. I realize this is kind of far if you are used to going regular. It is really a nice one...it seats 250 people. The last time my wife and I went was 6 years ago and it was so crowded we had to wait 20 minutes to be seated. Some people like it so much that they bring their lunch and make a day of it. There is going to be a fund raising dinner in the basement of the L.C. and they're going to use the money to buy more seats. It pains me that I can't go more often like I know I should, but it gets more difficult when you get older, especially in the winter. So, you come down and stay at our camp, and maybe we can go with you the first time to the L.C. and sit with you and I'll introduce you to all the nice folks around here, because, after all, this is a very friendly community."

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  13. Lena: "Der is trouble vit da car, sveetheart. It has vater in da carburetor."
    Ole: "Vater in da carburetor? Dat is ridiculous."
    Lena: "Ole, I tell you da car has vater in the carburetor."
    Ole: "You don't even know vat a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Ver is da car?"
    Lena: "In da lake."

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  14. why wouldn`t the apostolic lutheran cross the road?

    "because the preachers didn`t say he could!"

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

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  15. A man worked at an orange juice factory, but he was canned because he couldn't concentrate.

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  16. Say, does anbody know if Anna Nichole Smith was a OALCer?

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  17. Don't know her.

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  18. no-
    because it it a sin to be famous

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  19. An OALC preacher comes home to his sick wife after a long day at church.
    "What did you preach?" asks his wife.
    "Oh. Nothing."
    "I know that,but what words did you use?

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  20. An OALCer is driving down the road when 'boom' he gets a flat tire. "Paska!" he
    says, and after discovering he doesn't have a jack, he decides to walk down the
    road and try to borrow one from someone.

    As he's walking, he's thinking "Man, they probably won't have one." He walks a
    little further, and the suspicion increases... "I BET they don't have
    one". He walks further... "I'm SURE they won't have one, and if they
    DID, those worldlies wouldn't lend it to me anyway . . . wicked and greedy . . . despising us Christians with their spiritual hatred . . "

    Finally he reaches a house, picks up a rock and hurls it through the window,
    shouting "KEEP YOUR *=x;! JACK!!"

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  21. How many bunheads does it take to roof a house?



    6.... if you slice them really thin.

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  22. Eh. Though I can no longer get my hair in one, I find the term bunheads sexist and offensive. (How in heck can it apply to men?)

    But thanks for joining the fray, m uskoski

    I went out with an OALCer in high school because my mom said he made good grades. Turns out he drove a backhoe.

    (Which is a fine calling, so don't call me an elitist!)

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  23. Extoots,
    Sexist and offensive? Are you serious?
    It was a Joke!
    The term "bunhead" has been around for as long as I can remember, and was never intended to offend, but was used by Church members as well as outsiders as a light hearted term to identify the group.
    Lighten up!

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  24. I try to pay attention in church but I always fall asleep when I hear algebra stuff like "n times" and "an i for an i."

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  25. Did the people in your old congregations ever laugh during a sermon? I never heard the congregation laugh during the sermon except for one strange day when I heard it twice. I wonder what strength the communion wine was that day? Most often, any laughter was kids goofing around, not the whole congregation chuckling. In fact, I heard people confess the sin of lightmindedness more often than I heard laughter.

    When a person I know was a little girl, she heard the preacher cry out for his state as a sinful and lowly worm creeping in the dirt before God. Except his accent changed "worm" into "vorm." That struck the funny bones of the little girl and her friend, and they started laughing. The preacher stopped his sermon and silently stared at the girls until they stopped. But they didn't dare look at each other for the rest of the sermon for fear they'd dissolve into giggles again.

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  26. It seems to me that more offensive is the content of the joke than the term bunhead.
    I'm not into slicing anybody thin.

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  27. A Laestadian walks into a bar and orders a scotch on the rocks. When the bartender delivers the drink and takes the money, he notices that the Laestadian has a small, beautifully colored frog on his shoulder.

    "Where did you get that little fella?" the bartender asks.

    The frog pipes up "Brush Prairie... there must be hundreds of them there"

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  28. Did ya hear about the Laestadian who bought his fiance a dishwasher instead of an engagement ring? Well, he died last week and she spent a fortune on his funeral: $500 for the casket, $1,000 for the burial and $20,000 for the stone. It was at least 2.5 karats!

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  29. You have just received the OALC virus. Because we don't have internet or computers or programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files from your hard drive and manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list.

    Thank you for your cooperation, and God's Peace.

    The OALC Computer Engineering Department

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  30. Q. Why don't Laestadian women wear sleeveless dresses?
    A. They aren't allowed to bare arms.

    Q. How do you know Adam was a Laestadian?
    A. Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a fruit?

    Q. Why don't Laestadians go to the symphony?
    A. They heard that it might have sax and violins.

    One day there was van of Laestadians driving up the highway, and they saw a sign that said maximum 50, so they let off seven people.

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  31. What did the Laestadian say to his girlfriend upon breaking up with her?





    “Can we still be cousins?”

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  32. The absence of humor in these churches is interesting. Could the absence of humor be related to their hard work ethic? See this story on the Seattle P-I:

    http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/302397_grumpyworkers05.html?source=mypi

    Maybe we can persuade them to let some humor into their lives. This effort could be called, The Forgiveness of Grins.

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  33. Oh, I do enjoy a good joke! The one about the OALC Virus really tickled my funny bone. I read it out loud to the spouse, and I laughed until I cried!

    Free, thanks for a topic to let us all unwind!

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  34. I have been enjoying the jokes, too. A nice break, I agree! When I was a teen, I remember my mom telling me that Christians are the happiest people in the world because they have Living Faith. My mom wasn't exactly a happy person, to put it mildly, and that became a schizo moment for me.

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  35. Hello all.

    Please help me. I am trapped here.
    Am typing this as fast as I can
    because hubs will get home any
    moment. Just found this site. Now
    will have to delete browsing history after posting this. You do not even know how scared I am. But
    hopeful, too. I'll keep in touch.

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  36. anonymous 4:39,

    I hope you keep coming back...you have friends here, whether you know us yet or not.

    welcome

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  37. Hello, back for another more lesiurely perusal; I am that scared anon. from yesterday. Wonder, are there many other sites like this, also? For up-to date discussion. I have so many doubts, have been having for so many years. Am living under fear and emptiness, uncertainty and confusion. Want to leave, but feel so constrained by the social issues involved in leaving. Not sure I have the mental stamina to withstand the shunning, and my family's sure grief. :( Dread the unbearable lonliness in losing my community. Yet at the same time, I am plagued by the sickening hypocrisy of bringing my innocent children up in it. Not sure where to turn anymore. I already recognize some of you here; and you would be sure to know me. I live in fear of being found out, at this time I prize my anonymnity, it is allowing me to jump in on these discussions here. Even wonder as I type this if I am commiting the 'unforgivable sin', by blaspheming The Church. Feel as if I may even go to He** for it. How do I know? How does anyone know? I pray every day that He will help me, that He will guide me. I know that He will. His love is unconditional, and forever. That is my only comfort right now.

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  38. P.S.

    My apologies for inadvertantly posting this on the lighthearted 'joke' thread! OOps. Not even sure how I did that. This site was so confusing at first. Please excuse me, I will lift myself over to a more appropriate thread; please go back to your jokes and laughing!!
    from: anon above

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  39. Dear Anon,

    There are many posters on this blog who understand EXACTLY how you are feeling. Right now there is probably nothing we can do or say to ease you pain and confusion and fear, but you know we are here for you any time. We all have different stories, but the underlying feelings are so very similar.

    Loving arms are embracing you, figuratively speaking. Sending God's Blessings and Peace your way.....

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  40. Anon: We are all here for you. Your going through a very difficult time. Pray for strength and guidance, the heavenly father will open the door for you. Have faith in him!
    I am in such a better place now since I left the church. It was hard, very hard at first. But I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING! There is freedom outside the church, there is salvation outside the church. Christ lives in your heart, trust him! Feel free to ask us questions, we all understand and know what your going through. Even though we have all had different experiences with leaving, we have all had the emotional pain. Welcome and know that God loves you! HE will NEVER leave you if you have faith in him. God bless you!

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  41. Dear Scared.
    Pray, pray and then pray some more.
    Remember the words
    "Come to me ye all who are heavy laden and weary and I will give ye rest." Lean on them. I'm sure I didn't quote it exactly right but no time to look up the exsct quotation right now. There is such wonderful peace out here. Life is still life; but to live with the assurance that I am truly a child of God, not by my birth, but by my faith is wonderful.
    It took me a long time...but I jumped!

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  42. Hi anon,
    The blasphemy you think of is the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is definitely not the same as the Church. Unquestioning obedience is not what God asks of us. He asks us to put our faith in Him. In the Bible, Jesus challenged the established Church, because their rules were all about the outward behaviors, and inside, he said they were just like rotting corpses.

    We understand about the fear of leaving, the fear of being wrong...we've been there. Take your time to read, question, and learn.

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  43. Anon, here's a comment I posted earlier to someone in a similar situation, and I'd like to send the same message your way:

    When I started thinking I might have doubts, I was terrified. I told myself I'd just continue along for appearances sake if I ever stopped believing the tenets of the church. When putting up a front became harder to bear than leaving, I quietly slid out of the church. I won't sugar-coat my experience in saying that upon leaving, birds began singing and the sun shined brightly. There was a dark period of several years where I struggled with finding an identity apart from the church. Now, although there is yet some work to be done in the process, I can confidently say there is a better, brighter place beyond the church. It's absolutely worth it.

    I'll be thinking of you, and I know all of us are rooting for you to find a place of peace and truth.

    You may find the thread interesting.

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  44. Anon,
    There are people posting on this forum who are at all stages of our faith journey. Some of us left many years ago, while others are like yourself, just beginning to seek other answers. We've all had -- and still have to one degree or another -- doubts -- those "dark times" of the soul.

    Through our discussions and our prayers, we help each other heal and learn and grow. You are in our prayers, and welcome!

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  45. LOL!! (OK, I'm not into text messaging, but I have learned this one thing, and it works. For the unitiated and ludites, "LOL" means "Laugh Out Loud.")

    I don't laugh enough these days. Thanks for posting these! Guffaw, guffaw, guffaw! So true!

    The thing about humor...it's funny because there's some shred of truth underneath, right? Hm.

    I have a wonderful book, "Scandinavian Humor and Other Myths." It's a LOL book too. But these jokes here are rich!!

    Speaking of fun, Finnish-style. I'm holding my 5th or 6th "Saint Urho's Day" party in a few weeks. It's become so popular among non-Finns, they complain if I miss a year. I had no idea we were so funny to others until I started holding this party. Best thing is...I can put whatever I want on the table, so long as it's bland and colorless, and say it's all part of the tradition, and nobody can argue with me! No stress!! :)

    Formerly-Angry-Now-Confused

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  46. If Finnish culture is so bland and colorless, why do Ari Koivunen and Anna Abreu get so many views on Youtube?

    Ari Koivunen:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZNESkRhoy4

    Anna Abreu:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FaP7mSLELTU

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmiMO688J_g

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  47. Dear Anon,
    The poster you were responding to didn't say Finnish culture was bland and colorless. That person was talking about the food, and that joke comes from the book, "Scandinavian Humor and Other Myths." Read it. It's a hoot!

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  48. What joke? Everyone knows that Scandinavian food (not only Finnish) can with only a little effort be made white and tasteless! Salt = highly seasoned!

    ...but I sure do miss hienoleippää, and juustoleipää, and karjalan piirakkat, and kalamoijakkaa, and rusinavelliä, and of course makkara!

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  49. CVOW
    You haven't mastered the culinary art of making kalamoijakkaa? It is so easy! And if you make a big enough pot you can eat it for a whole week! But what the heck are the others? Maybe we had different regional names. I believe you can buy a fine makkara online through Vollworths in Houghton, MI. If you're interested, I can look for a link for you.

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  50. I have ordered juusto from two different suppliers. I can't have it around too often, though, because I have a tendency to eat a very large piece all in one sitting.
    It brings back such memories!

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  51. Juustoleippää is a flat round white cheese. Today's generation of Finnish Americans who find Finnish too difficult often call it squeaky cheese. Some love it warm, with jelly on it. I just eat it any way I can get it! There were two places in the Finnish American Reporter advertising it -- Bass Lake Cheese or some such name, and the Ilo family -- who I understand are temporarily out of business. I ordered from Bass Lake one time, and it was good cheese!

    Hienoleippää is a traditional flat bread. I've eaten several versions of it at Finnish festivals, but never quite like my Mother used to make. Hers was a white bread, soft on the inside with a fairly hard crust. Straight out of the oven, with butter slathered all over it, and you're in heaven! The loaves are give or take about ten inches round and about an inch and a half thick. My mother ALWAYS put a hole in the middle of each loaf about an inch or so in size. The old Finns used to have a rack in their pantries which was just a dowel suspended on two arms. The loaves were slipped over the dowel. My mother never had such a rack, but that's how her mother taught her to make it, so, you know, TRADITION!

    Makkara of course is just sausage, and I always found that the old Germans back in North Dakota made the best...

    Karjalan piirakkat are small shells or "boats" made of very thin rye dough, with a rice filling. Again, slathered with butter... I think Trails mentioned one time having made them.

    Rusinavelliä was a tapioca pudding with raisins and prunes.

    Then of course there are pasties, which are semicircular pies, filled with meat and potatoes and vegetables, and... but sorry yoopers, they ain't Finnish. They actually came over to the Copper Country with the Welsh and Cornish miners, and then the Finns kind of took them over to the point that most people associate them with the Finns. Regardless, they are mighty good! The Finns actually had a similar thing that was filled with fish, that tasted pretty awful, but I don't recall the name.

    I've often wondered about the Scandinavians and their fish, like Norwegian lutefisk, Swedish surströmming, and other awful concoctions...

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  52. For my St. Urho's Day party, I'd love your suggestions for any SIMPLE funny-Finnish things to serve. Preferably white and bland. I've actually made pirrakka in the past...good, but too difficult. I'll do my usual pannukkakku (which simply means "pancake," but is baked in the oven and is so simple but always a hit.) Some basic sausage and call it "makkarra." I've stooped to serving a big bowl of plain yogurt and advising my guests to just put it on anything that looks too colorful (and they do! ;). I would try a basic fish stew, if somebody had one that works and is simple enough. (I have a Finnish cookbook, but I'm somewhat intimidated by cookbooks. ;) Somebody brought lutefisk one year because so many people think that's Finnish...we did the best we could with it, lots of butter. ;) I ordered some of that Vollwerth's sausage via web lately, and it wasn't as good as I remember. The web-sent juustoa sometimes hits the spot, and sometimes it's just a bit disappointing...depending on where you order it from. So, what's the closest thing to juustoa that you can buy from a grocery store? I guess the so-called "farmer's cheese," though it isnt' really close. Maybe if we baked it..>? :)

    Form-Angry-Anon

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  53. Dear Former,
    I have a wonderful salmon chowder recipe that I begged the cook for when it was served for a lunch to guests (Finnish hosts, though I don't know if salmon is a Finnish fish). She served it with delicious rye bread, store-bought but tasted homemade, sliced tomatoes and cucumbers, and a tossed salad. A very memorable meal!

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  54. sisu, I thought when I saw the word salmon, you were going to say laksloda. Then I had to go lie down until I got over being nauseous....

    My mother used to fix laksloda -- which is a salmon hotdish, to be kind -- and I hated it. One time I started to complain about it and my dad leaned over and whispered in my ear "I don't like it any better than you do, but your mother feeds us very well, and this is one of her favorites, so we will eat it and keep our mouths shut!" I told my mother that story 20 years after he died, and her reply was "Oh no, Daddy LIKED it - he always ate it!" We had a good laugh over that one!

    A few years ago when living in England, we had two Swedish high school girls that came for a soccer tournament at my daughter's school, and they stayed with us. We started discussing food, and suspecting some Swedish roots in the dish, I started to describe it -- to which they both held they noses and said "Ewww, laksloda!"

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  55. Cvow,
    My Finnish isn't anywhere near yours, so I didn't know the word for salmon. This soup, by the way, doesn't really have a Scando flavor, paste-wise. It's delicious. This recipe also works well with any white fish -- I could eat it once a week. Sorry it upset your stomach!

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  56. Sisu, salmon chowder is one thing (I've had some mighty good chowder) -- but laksloda is another! If you look at a recipe for laksloda and get past the eye of newt, wing of bat, foot of toad stuff, it looks benign -- potatoes, salmon, a large onion, salt AND pepper (there's that high seasoning).

    I can't believe I haven't pulled someone's chain yet who really likes the stuff...heheheh. Good grief, if Free or Trails liked the stuff, they'd be ripping my skin off already and calling me a Republican.

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  57. Some Norwegians had a problem with rats under their house. They decided to place some lutefisk under the house hoping that it would deter the rodents.

    It worked! The rats disappeared but 10 Norwegians took their place.

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  58. LLLreader sez: My Mom was one of the best cooks of all time. Her flatbread was out of this world. The laksloda she made was great. The best piirakkat I have ever had was at the train station in Helsinki. Good pulla can be found at the Home Bakery in Astoria, Oregon. Have had great rusinvellia at the Scandinavian Festival in Astoria. Alas, I only have a vague memory of squeaky cheese.

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  59. I make pulla with my kids! Usually at christmas, (or whenever they promise to help me) I love it and I try to make a few extra loaves to share :) And the Tillamook cheese factory in Oregon sells squeeky cheese, in fact they will even ship it! (probably not the same as anything scandinavian, but...)

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  60. Thanks for the tips! When next I get to Astoria and Tillamook, I will be stopping!

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  61. I just love the joke about tiptoeing past Room 13 because it's where the Laestadians are and they thing that they are the only ones here! Such a hoot! I told it to my husband and he just loved it! Thanks for the great jokes!

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  62. OK, I have to contribute this one just to lighten things up again. Now I'm sure that those who think sports are a sin will surely put me on the slippery slope for this, but there we are and here we go! (and this uses up my quota of "cute" for this year, so don't expect anymore.)

    THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

    Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.

    The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named'Love.'

    Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'

    The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.

    The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

    Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan pitches.

    The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'

    Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.

    He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; the roaring crowds went wild as the ball continued over the fence . . .. for a home run!

    The Lord's team won!

    The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.

    The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home.'

    'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9

    Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'

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  63. Tom Cruise has a religion for you all....

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  64. This just made my week. I laughed out loud at most of these jokes, which, absurd as they may seem are just plain TRUE!!! I love it!!!

    -24

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  65. Toivo heard about them new chain saws, so he traded in his old buck saw, he used it for a week and was not satisfied so he brought it back. HE told the salesman, this new chain saw is no good!,I worked hard all week and I could'nt cut any more wood then I did with my old buck saw. The salesman took the saw and flipped the switch and pulled the starter cord, and it started right up......bbbbrrrruuuummmm.....bbbbrrrruuummmmmm....Toivo looked startled and said....What the heck is that noise?. After 50 years I still laugh every time I tell it. True, but not so funny is the fact that being only "religious"and not "born again"you only have "buck saw power".And that will not be enough,Trust in Christ alone as Luther did.

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  66. You MIGHT be a Bunnhead if.......

    2 out of 4 branches of your family tree are near identical.

    You have 4 children by the time your "worldly" friends graduate college.

    you understand the 401k plan as the # of descendents that you hope will support you In retirement.

    Your favorite uncle is younger than you.

    If you take your family out to dinner and they have to place you in the party room to give you enough seats.



    How do you know if someone might be a Bunnhead?.....

    If you see 15 kids hop out of the van at the mall.

    If a group of kids are smoking in a parking lot.

    If the group sitting next to you at the sports restaurant on game night have there eyes glued to the TV even during the commercials.


    Can anyone add to this?

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  67. To the anonymous poster pasting Bible verses here, don't be lame. They've been removed.

    You are welcome to comment here using your own words, particularly if they are funny.

    For non-funny stuff, please use the current thread and tell us what's on your mind. Cut-and-paste doesn't cut it.

    Thanks!

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  68. I dont understand you people... why the need to make crude jokes? be content with yourselves and the decision you have made. I have never understood why "ex-laestadians" feel the need for bashing and justifying. I am content with my decision to leave. Live and let live! No need to be crude and then be offended when "they" supposedly make crude comments. i don't believe ill see this comment get posted but that just proves you arent content with the decision you have made. You dont have to believe that the laestadians are the only ones going to heaven but i cant imagine you believe you are going there with the astonishingly rude comments and "jokes" you make and the bitterness you hold in your heart! i hope you sleep well at night with the rotten attitudes you all have!

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